If I am honest…

a poem to share about how COVID-19 has affected me…

If I am honest

I have to admit that I liked it when it was quiet

and the world as we once knew it was slowing down and closing down,

and the noise in the streets were less.

If I am honest

I have to admit that I’m nervous about the world coming alive again

and the noise

and the people

and the consumerism

and the lots and lots of things opening and bustling and being in your face again.

If I am honest

I have to admit that I have enjoyed this time of inwardness,

for I like my own space and the fact that I have been given permission not to outwardly socialise has been at times a lovely relief.

For if I am honest

I find it hard to socialise to do the small talk and chatter,

for I prefer real chats and heart connection, and fears and loves and passions.

For if I am honest

I love learning about the soul of a person and what makes them tick and laugh and cry and get angry and deeply feel.

However, if I am honest I also have to admit that I’ve missed seeing my dearest family and friends for I am a hugger and find that sometimes it is the hug that gives more than words.

hugging -

soothing

healing

simple

wordless

~~~~~~

If I am honest

I have to admit that I love the cooler and shorter days and the unspoken permission to go to bed early with a book or a journal or a mind full of dreams (or worries, to be sorted and sifted in the depth of the stillness!)

And as I am being honest,

I would prefer that my shoulder was better and that my movement wasn’t so rigid and that the pain wouldn’t travel down my already wobbly wrist,

and that my Dad wasn't getting older and that his health was stronger. And yes, if I am honest I am not ready to lose another parent - not this year or next year or the next-after-next-after-next year.

If I am honest

I feel that my smile does this funny upside down turn and I feel my muscles like holding it there rather than the upside-up way of being,

and when this happens my upside-down-smile makes me upside down on the inside and the colours on my palette of life is all splotched and messy and my inner garden is like a wirly-twirly-swirly-inside-out-mess.

And if I am honest

I love to weep and cry and let it come from my belly and imagine I’m howling at the moon or the sun (or in the shower!)

for I like the relief that it gives my cells

and the big sigh

ahhhhhhhh,

that comes somewhere deep inside.

Yes, if I am honest

I love going for walks in my inner landscape exploring that which has yet been explored,

even sailing beyond the shore of what I thought was true,

for if I am honest I love the adventure of finding the wisdom that hides in places I once feared to tread.

~~~~~

And if I am honest,

I love that my raven hair is now beginning to turn grey and that these grey white feathers are shining through

For if I am honest

I love getting on in years for there is more peace in my heart and a different bounce in my step,

For finally I have accepted that my way is unique and the colours I have to offer the world - even when my palette is splotched and messy - is prefect and special and magical.

For if I am honest

it IS my uniqueness that makes me smile too.

ahhh,

If I am honest….

and if I am honest I know there is probably more to say,

yet right now it’s done

and done is done

is done!


Honesty.. makes the breath smile and the exhalation real.



post script:

Why did I chose this photo? - in being honest we are both vulnerable and strong like a new shoot bursting from the seed. We are unsure who will hold us and support us, love us and nurture us in our most honest moment.

And in being honest we are as exquisite as the dew drop that shimmers and holds itself so beautifully.

 


My dear friend, in your honest moments this week, I hope you had the  support you needed to be as vulnerable and as courageous as you like, so that you can grow and become more exquisite with each and every breath.


Honesty is vulnerable, courageous and exquisite.


Sam x


Hi! My name is Sam, and while I am a shamanic practitioner/spiritual mentor with over 20 years experience, I am predominately recognised for my innate ability to facilitate profound positive change in peoples lives. Change that invites and welcomes folk, like you, to come home, home to the innate wisdom and healing medicine that lives within.

Through shamanic journeying, guided visualisation, storytelling, breath techniques, soul retrieval, and a plethora of other skills I will energetically walk with you as you weed your soul’s garden, befriend the once feared dragon, unearth your inner sacred sites, and welcome home lost and fragmented soul parts.

I open my door to you and invite you in for some Individual healing/mentoring sessions and/or maybe an empowering workshop or two.

Until we meet,
Blessed be

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